i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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