Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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