john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
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I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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