I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
