you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
