Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize