I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
