I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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