Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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