Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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