I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
