no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
