I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
