This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
