Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
