TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
