I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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