Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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