Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
