Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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