Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
