im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
