make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
