I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize