Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
