What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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