I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
