you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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