I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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