When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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