the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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