Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
