You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
