I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
