Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
