Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
