fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
