I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
