i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
