OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
