So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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