We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
