I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
