During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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