I wanna bring you to show and tell
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
