I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
