The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
