the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
