If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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