I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
