My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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