Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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