i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So much rum. So many feels.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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