the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Send help, water and tortillas.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
