We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
