so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
