Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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