I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
