OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
