Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
