Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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