There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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