It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize