do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
