He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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