im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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