Banned from zoo.
Again?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
