I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
