It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
