I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
