I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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