...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
