I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
