The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
