how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
