im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
